What Happened?

I remember last Saturday up until the time I lost consciousness.  We have yet to determine why I lost consciousness which means my life now has lots of tests in it and lots of wonder—it’s really weird to basically not remember a half a day. 

There I was at Lowe’s with my five-year-old son. We were shopping for screening material, a flag pole (to hang my Oregon Duck flag on) and fertilizer.  It was in the fertilizer isle where I collapsed.  I remember feeling woozy then I don’t remember anything until a vague recollection of riding in the back of an ambulance speeding down I-5 toward the ER.  Then I was in and out of consciousness the rest of day and night.

When I fainted, which is what I think it was (my doctor thinks I had some sort of seizure), I hit the concrete floor head first splitting my forehead open and biting through my upper lip; needless, to say, this caused quite a mess, plus I was convulsing.  My little boy saw the whole thing and immediately began yelling for someone to “help my Daddy, someone help my Daddy!”  I have no idea who helped me or what they did, all I know is someone thankfully called 9-1-1.

The times I was lucid in the ER I remember being surrounded by friends and family; I remember my dear bride holding my hand, Mike cleaning the blood off my face, fist-bumping Ben, saying ‘hi’ to Pastor Chad, seeing my Sister’s pained expression and getting poked by lots, I mean, lots, of needles.

I was and remain very grateful for their presence, deep inside I was terrified by what had happened to me. I’ve never had anything even remotely like this happen to me before nor has anyone in my family. To all of the sudden lose consciousness like that is frightening. I left the ER, very late that night, looking like a losing prize fighter:  black and blue, stitches, and stumbling. My eye and lip are healing and I get the stitches removed next Tuesday.  I’ve had blood tests, CAT scans, x-rays and an MRI. Next week I have an EEG scheduled.  I am also definitely feeling the effects of the concussion: life seems a little slower as I am not processing as fast as usual, my dreams are a very different variety than they used to be, and Janey is staying very close to my side as I haven’t been able to go back to work yet and she’s afraid to leave me alone for too long.

So what am I to learn through all this?  One thing is there are a lot of people who care about me, are offering to help me, and are praying for me.  I am not eloquent enough to express my gratefulness for these dear people, but I am so thankful that I have such caring friends and family. 

There’s one lesson right there, NEVER take your friends and family for granted.  Jesus taught about the great importance of relationships, and through this latest trial I’m really learning the truth of this. I guess I thought I understood it until I became totally helpless; there were times I could do nothing for myself and had to rely on others for everything (including my five-year-old).  And even now still I’m way more reliant on others, especially my dear bride, than I’ve ever been in all my adult life.

Another lesson, as trite as it may sound, is each moment of life is truly valuable. Oh sure, I like to think I think this, but on Saturday I lost many moments where I otherwise would have been conscious; these are moments I was present but don’t remember and can never get back.  In fact, Saturday was our date night; but rather than going out to a nice dinner, we were in the ER being reminded just how important we are to each other while I lay on that gurney helpless and terrified.   

I still get scared. I pray the tests show nothing. This would mean what happened was more a combination of low blood sugar coupled with a bunch of other environmental factors (breathing in noxious fumes, a lot of overhead work, pinched neck nerves, eating little). All of these things are treatable through lifestyle adjustment or relatively minor medical procedures (or hiring a yard service).  So I pray there are no tumors or anything like that.

In the meantime, though, I am thankful to be alive. I don’t think my life was ever truly in danger; still, memories died as I can’t recall much of that day yet I am blessed so many people, complete strangers I’ll never know and friends and family rallied around me so quickly that perhaps that’s the closest taste of Heaven I’ve ever had—genuine care and love showing up in the most dire time of need.

Thank you.