God in Adversity, Part 2

View from Room 7001

The Sunday before my Friday surgery I had the opportunity to be anointed with oil and prayed over by our pastors and other leaders and friends. Entering into this time I felt free to share the details of the surgery along with my fears. I had a single fusion over ten years ago but this upcoming double-fusion surgery was to be more than twice my previous surgery. This meant the pain I had experienced before would not only be present this time, but would be even more. Now I fully realize countless people, some of my friends and family included, have been through significantly tougher circumstances than mine, it’s just this, so far anyway, is my toughest medical challenge—so the fear of the pain, the length of recovery, and the loss of mobility were very consuming fears.  Not to mention the procedure itself—someone digging around inside my neck and spinal cord—was also quite disconcerting. 

After the anointing and prayer, I didn’t really feel any different. In fact, my body didn’t shudder and I wasn’t knocked off my feet (which would have been disastrous in my condition!).  But as the day wore on and I had quiet moments with nothing but my own thoughts and prayers, I sensed something profound deep in my soul—peace.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7, NKJV.)

I actually didn’t feel anxious or worried at all. In fact, I found myself looking forward to a further vision of being healed and feeling better than I’ve felt in probably a year. Yes, I knew there would be pain; yes, I knew there would be a relatively long recovery time; but I knew that by Summer I should be in full health and as soon as the surgery ended, I’d be out of danger of paralysis.  I also had a deepening sense of confidence in my surgeon, I knew God would be involved somehow and I also knew she was well-experienced and quite concerned about me. She would be bringing her “A-game” to the OR.

The day of the surgery Janey and I prayed before heading to the hospital; we both prayed that God would somehow be glorified through this and I specifically prayed for joy; yeah, crazy, huh? I prayed for joy. 

But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. (Galatians 5:22-23.)

A typical definition of joy is “a feeling of great pleasure or happiness” (New Oxford American Dictionary, 2^nd Edition eBook, 2008).  This definition is more of a worldly definition and very circumstance oriented; being happy is usually because some exterior circumstance is happy to you.  But surgery, for me anyway, is not a happy thing.

However, the Greek word for ‘joy’ in this passage is χαρα (chara), and according to Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible (1990), it means ‘cheerfulness, calm, or gladness.’  Wow!  What a definition.  This is what I had in my soul, of all places and of all circumstances; I was cheerful, calm, and even glad. My blood pressure wasn’t elevated and my breathing was steady and normal.  No way would this be my natural state given the circumstances, it was a supernatural outpouring of the indwelling Holy Spirit.  And people gravitate to cheerfulness and God knows this. Was Jesus grumpy and morose?  Of course not.  In fact, He was a healer and he even prayed for the forgiveness of those nailing Him to the cross. That is certainly not the picture of a sourpuss Savior.   

Does this sound like a grumpy Jesus to you:

“I have come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. I am the good shepherd.” (Jesus, John 10:10b-11a.)  

Or how about this one:

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”  (Jesus, Matthew 11:28-30.)

There are several other examples of course, but the point is that along with my IV I was also receiving an infusion of Holy Spirit that spilled out in χαρα, joy.  Even after my surgery recovering in my room cheerfulness was just my norm.  When Ray, the czar of the bladder machine woke me up 3:30 AM, I was still cheerful. I was able to get know all the nursing staff, found out about their families, their lives, their dreams—it was awesome—and it wasn’t my natural man.

At one point, the cleaning lady popped into my room as I was playing worship music on my iPod and that got us talking about Jesus.  In fact, I was able to have spiritual conversations with at least half the staff.  Again, that’s just not my old-man nature, that was the Holy Spirit at work. God was showing me that yes, indeed; He shows up even while you’re lying in the hospital bed and having to use a walker to get to the bathroom! But His concern was beyond me, He also wanted to touch the hard-working nursing staff through His work in me. Whether they recognized it or not, God was blessing them for their commitment to caring for humanity created in His image. 

And when I would wake up in the wee hours because of the pain, I’d look out my 7^th floor window and see the lighted Capital Building.  That brought happy memories and reminded to just pray in the Spirit to again be awash in the warmth of His love for me.

Plus God kept me energized by all the visitors coming by.  Close to 30 people stopped in to say ‘hi’ and see how I was doing.  What’s more, I can’t describe it well, but I could sense that so many people were praying for me. More than once I was brought to tears of joy in that hospital bed because of God’s work in the situation and all the people showing love and concern for me.  Tears are welling up in my eyes right now as I write this.  God, the Author of the universe, cares that much about a single life. And He cares that much for you:

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.  He who believes in Him is not condemned.”  (Jesus, John 3:16-18a, emphasis mine.)

This is my testimony of this experience. God moved mightily to touch my life and many other lives as well. And He continues moving in the situation even now.  Yes, pain is a reality and recovery time is lengthy, but God transcends this with His washing of Holy Spirit infusion.  But this isn’t unique to me:

This is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all people to be saved and come to the knowledge of the truth. For there is one God, and there is one mediator between God and man, the man Christ Jesus. (1 Timothy 2:3-5, ESV.)

God is calling us to salvation in Jesus. And lest you wonder how to be saved, how to enter into this incredible relationship with our Heavenly Father, I share the answer of Paul and Silas to the cry of the Roman jailer:

“Sirs, what must I do to be saved?”

And they said, “Believe in the name of the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved.” (Acts 16:30-31.)

God awaits.

God in Adversity

A week ago yesterday I had neck surgery.  I had a double fusion and bone spur removal.  My neurosurgeon said that when she opened me up and started to rummage around in my cervical region she discovered I was actually in worse shape than she had originally thought.  After surgery while I was in recovery, she told Janey that she didn’t know how I was able to continue functioning; much less functioning at the level I was at.  Janey knew the answer though, God. 

In fact, God has been present through this whole situation.  You see, I’ve already had one neck fusion way back in 2001, so when my neck started to hurt strangely again in mid-2011 I did not go see a doctor.  Why?  Because I sensed I would wind up in surgery again—I do not like neck surgery. So I figured I would try yoga, or different weight-lifting exercises, plus, I was optimistic that the pain would eventually go away.  It didn’t, it just got worse.

 Anyway, after my collapse at Lowe’s and rush to the emergency room (see my entry What Happened), the ER staff conducted several tests while I was unconscious to figure out what happened.  While they never figured out what caused my collapse, they did have images showing how seriously pinched my spinal cord was. 

Once my regular doctor and a neurosurgeon I’d never met before got a hold of the ER images, they started to pursue me via phone calls to “strongly encourage” me to get one more test because things didn’t look good. I finally relented and got another MRI. Within 24 hours they had the results which, among other things, showed “spinal cord deformity.” When I heard this phrase I started to get concerned myself.  Plus, the doctors’ phone calls started up again; I was being pursued even more intensely than before. 

I was beginning to grasp the seriousness of my condition; this was not a run-of-the-mill disk rupture.  When I finally saw the neurosurgeon, she showed me my MRI images. 

I gasped. 

I’ve had a lot of medical tests over the years (I have more than one genetic defect), and many of the test results have been less than desirable, but this result actually caused me to gasp:  my spinal cord was seriously pinched in two places by bulging disks on one side of my spine and bone spurs on the other side of my spine.  The pinching was so profound that if I had anymore even minor head or neck trauma, I could be paralyzed from my neck down for the rest of my life.

You’d gasp to.

As she went on to explain my options, surgery or increasing pain and increasing risk of paralysis, my soul did not start to spin in a spiral of discouragement like it would have a few years ago.  However, she continued with her explanation by telling me I needed to stop running, not just now, pre-surgery; but most likely for the rest of my life.

 

“But…but, you don’t understand,” I said, voice stammering.  “I love to run.”

“Your spine can’t take the pounding, especially with a triple-fusion,” she responded matter-of-factly.  Doctor’s are so good with that ‘this is no big deal so just suck it up’ tone of voice.

So now, in just 15 minutes I’m seeing the danger I’m in and I’m being told to give up one of my most favorite activities. Not only that, they had begun to set the surgery date for barely a week away.  Seriously?  Just the day before I was happily running on a mulch trail engrossed in prayer. Now I’m being told walking is all I can reasonable do and in a very short time I am going to have a very serious surgery.

All of the sudden I was not having a good day!

Discouragement, and worse, is now beginning to close in.  So I silently prayed for God to stave off the encroaching darkness and to give me the courage to face the reality before me.  Oh, I also needed strong doses of peace as well.   

And God did.  He did in big ways.  Yes, I had the surgery; and yes I may never run again, but the work God is doing in my heart and the way Jesus has showed himself to me through this is mind-blowing.  The Holy Spirit is daily comforting me and I’m excited to share this with you. 

…but that will be my next entry, so please stay tuned, God is being glorified even in what appears to be a deep adversity.  The God of Light is real, so please tune in again for my next entry.

God and Football

I have mixed feelings today. My alma mater’s football team, the University of Oregon Ducks, won its third consecutive conference title last night. This is quite exciting for a life-long Duck fan.  You see, my Dad took one degree from Oregon in 1958 and a second one in 1960.  I was born in 1962 and so was raised on all things Duck.  Plus, I graduated from Oregon in 1984.  So rooting for the Ducks has just been weaved into the fabric of my life, so much so that I find myself yelling or cheering at the TV.

But the mixed feelings come to play as I compare being a sports fan with being a Christ-follower.  Do I get as excited about the things of God as I do about the Ducks being in the top 10 and going to a Rose Bowl?  What happens if the Ducks lose (so far, that’s their modus operandi in big bowl games)? There’s a very great danger in being an ardent fan if your outlook of life is shaded by whether your team wins or loses. Thankfully, I figured this out years ago; if the Ducks lose, my day doesn’t come to a crashing halt. 

Still, is my life as obvious for Christ as it is for being a Duck fan? I realize team colors and logos make for easy display. In fact, since Oregon has won so much lately, I’m surprised by how many people are all of the sudden Duck fans?  Where were they in the 70’s and 80’s when the Ducks could hardly score a touchdown? (Boy, Autzen stadium was sure empty in those days, now you can hardly get a ticket!) This tells me being a sports fan is often fickle, root for the team when they’re winning, but when they start to lose, well, just switch allegiances; but what about the Christ-follower?  Oh sure, it’s easy to proclaim Christ when life is all bright and shiny, but when the dark clouds roll in, do allegiances change?

True sports fans and genuine Christ-followers have in common sticking with their allegiance regardless of what is happening.  But I return to my first question.  Does my life reflect my allegiance to Christ as much or more than it does being a Duck fan?

“But seek first the kingdom of God…” (Jesus, Matthew 6:33a, emphasis mine).

“Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven” (Jesus, Matthew 5:16, emphasis mine). 

Thanksgiving Re-set

…for I am not always thankful even though I have so much to be thankful for.   How about you?  Does thankfulness just roll out of your pores like sweat at mile 20 of a marathon or do you struggle with it like when your mother made you eat beets? 

Honestly, as silly as it sounds, I sometimes struggle with it.  The big question is why?  The answer, of course, is quite complicated; but simply put, I have been fooled by the lure of the so-called American Dream—more stuff means a better status which means more joy.  Poppycock; what nonsense to think that inanimate stuff (which really means “junk”) will bring true and lasting joy. 

First John 1:3b-4 has this to say about joy: 

And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ. We write this to make our joy complete.

True joy, which is a sense of unflappable inner happiness, comes from an honest and vital relationship with God by way of Jesus Christ.  No Christ, no joy. Expressing this relationship to others cements the joy deep in our soul. 

So as Thanksgiving 2011 is now in our rearview mirror, we can still be thankful because of Jesus Christ.  I know a bold statement like this turns a lot of people off, that’s why the message of Christ is so watered down.  But stop and think about it, why are so many people turned off by the things of Christ? People are often turned off to Christ, and thus miss the joy in Christ, because so many Christ-followers do a less than inspiring job of exhibiting Christ.  So much of “Christian engagement” nowadays is really nothing more than stooping to joyless and combative blame-shifting. 

But as we recall the words of Jesus, we begin to realize His message was quite different:

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it:  Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:37-38).

Pondering these words deeply, I find conviction creeping up over my heart.  I begin realizing that my “love meter” for both God and man registers too often on the “low” side. No wonder I struggle with thanksgiving, I’ve blocked God’s joy in my soul by allowing my ‘love tank’ to run too close to empty.

So where does Thanksgiving really begin?  It begins with love.  And where does love begin?  Love begins with God:

"For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life" (John 3:16, emphasis mine).

The Path of Fast

There’s been a lot written about fasting.  The most reliable source, of course, is the Bible.  Jesus even fasted.  In fact, He often sought to be alone in the wilderness to pray and be with His Heavenly Father.  During these times He was often fasting from sleep and sometimes food. We can even fast today. 

Recently, at a leadership conference, God placed on my heart the call to organize a group of men to gather once a quarter on a Saturday to go out into a nearby wilderness to pray and fast for a day.  Nineteen were invited, but only four of us could actually do it.  

So a few Saturdays ago, the last time ESPN College Game Day was in Eugene (guess what I fasted from?), we headed off into a beautiful wilderness area in the Willamette Valley.  Just four guys, none of us with any special accolades or major national awards, just four guys desperate for God, stomping down paths into the wilderness to seek a deeper sense of His presence in our lives. 

Not surprisingly, God showed up.  Each of us had an encounter with Him.  What’s funny is He didn’t call any us to step into some big movement or give us any massive idea for outreach.  Instead, God encouraged each of us to shed the distractions of our lives and culture to more fully pursue Him. I was specifically shown that through these several months of trials, I’d become prone to kind of “checking out.”  Just relaxing a little after dinner was my excuse, but God showed me that I was really sliding into neutral, disengaging from life and family, shutting down my mind and heart.  Perhaps I felt I just couldn’t take any more so my protection was to just withdraw for a while.  Have you ever felt that way?  What do you do?  Do you need to shed a little clutter out of your life too?

God reiterated on my journey down that Path of Fast to keep shedding the distractions of life.  He encouraged me to have the courage to continue the inventory of my life that started in the ER after my accident. Clear out the clutter and lighten the load of the useless stuff and junk in my life was the encapsulation of His message to me. 

Accomplishing this isn’t some mystical ceremony with flickering candles and fog; instead, it’s really a phone call to Comcast to pull the plug.  It’s cleaning out my iTunes of old secular songs that crept back in. It’s ceasing the comparison of my stuff with someone else’s.  It’s cleaning out the cabinets in the house and in my mind.  It’s not caring how big my house is or how cool my car is how exotic my vacation.  Dross was weighing me down and cooling relationships with both Jesus and my family.  And on that forest path at the foot of the Coast Range God showed me now was the time to initiate the clearing out, for if not now—then when?  Without the intention to start, it would never get done.  And for me to truly give my best to God, I had to remove the cultural clutter clouding my spiritual vision. 

So the cleanup has begun.  And, yes, I’ve lost weight, quite a bit, actually.  Oh, not in pounds, but definitely weight off my shoulders and out my life.  I don’t need to compete or compare myself with anyone, I’m here to please Him, God; not my neighbor, not my colleague, not anyone—only God.  Once the clutter is clear, then the Holy Spirit can run freely in my soul, and I will be at my top spiritual condition once the barriers of clutter and of distraction are removed.

So, yes, it’s good to slow down and fast now and then regardless of how vibrant or dormant your walk with the Lord may be.  As we earnestly and intentionally seek God, He will honor that by impressing His presence deeper into our souls.

Being Prayed For by Others

Over the last few weeks a number of people have asked how I’m doing (see my previous entry, What Happened?).  Thankfully, I am able to respond that I’m fully recovered. In fact, all the tests I’ve had from a CAT scan, to an MRI to an EEG all show normal (though some of my friends may contest this). All I can say is, “Praise God!”  This is such a huge relief because the doctors were conjecturing there may be some mass (i.e., a tumor) in my brain or I had suddenly developed a seizure disorder (can that actually happen at 49?).  But God in His mercy has spared me from these; it was most likely a combination of hypoglycemia and exposure to noxious fumes.  In other words, I fainted! (What a manly thing to do in the fertilizer aisle, at least I have a nice scar to show for my manly effort!)

What’s interesting, though, is through my recovery I never really feared any test results, I wasn’t dwelling on the “what ifs” and I truly sensed the peace of Christ ruling in my heart (see Colossians 3:15).  Sure, my Bride and I prayed much during my recovery, but what’s more, many other people were praying for me as well.  And while it may sound strange to some, I actually sensed their prayers; it was like a supernatural blanket of warmth continually caressing my soul.  It reminds me of James 5:16b:

The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.  

Also Ephesians 6:18:

Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints.

Prayer is so multi-faceted that I dare say we take it too much for granted.  Earnest, heart-felt prayer unleashes Holy Spirit power in ways we are hard pressed to understand.  Jesus dedicated countless hours to prayer, and He taught the Apostles to do the same.  The sheer number of references to prayer in the New Testament ought to get our attention.  And through my little fainting mishap, I learned a little more about prayer myself, but this time not as the one who prays, but instead, as the one being prayed for.  It’s hard to explain, but it’s real; like the old Newsboys song says, “It’s a Spirit thing.” 

Indeed, it is!  And it’s available to anyone who has trusted their heart to Jesus Christ.  Such a relationship is a heartbeat away, for as Paul and Silas said to the Philippian jailer in Acts 16:30-31 when he asked:

“Sirs, what must I do to be saved?”

So they said, “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved.”

No other work is required; placing your trust in Christ invites the new birth of the Holy Spirit into your life and secures an eternal destiny with Jesus in Heaven. No longer will you have to fear going to Hell because Jesus Christ now holds you tightly and nothing and no one will cause Him to lose His grip on your soul (see John 10:29-30).  And just one of the countless blessings we receive from Christ, is being the recipient of prayers prayed by fervent brothers and sisters who have concern for others. 

Come, and join the family of Christ if you haven’t already. 

What Happened?

I remember last Saturday up until the time I lost consciousness.  We have yet to determine why I lost consciousness which means my life now has lots of tests in it and lots of wonder—it’s really weird to basically not remember a half a day. 

There I was at Lowe’s with my five-year-old son. We were shopping for screening material, a flag pole (to hang my Oregon Duck flag on) and fertilizer.  It was in the fertilizer isle where I collapsed.  I remember feeling woozy then I don’t remember anything until a vague recollection of riding in the back of an ambulance speeding down I-5 toward the ER.  Then I was in and out of consciousness the rest of day and night.

When I fainted, which is what I think it was (my doctor thinks I had some sort of seizure), I hit the concrete floor head first splitting my forehead open and biting through my upper lip; needless, to say, this caused quite a mess, plus I was convulsing.  My little boy saw the whole thing and immediately began yelling for someone to “help my Daddy, someone help my Daddy!”  I have no idea who helped me or what they did, all I know is someone thankfully called 9-1-1.

The times I was lucid in the ER I remember being surrounded by friends and family; I remember my dear bride holding my hand, Mike cleaning the blood off my face, fist-bumping Ben, saying ‘hi’ to Pastor Chad, seeing my Sister’s pained expression and getting poked by lots, I mean, lots, of needles.

I was and remain very grateful for their presence, deep inside I was terrified by what had happened to me. I’ve never had anything even remotely like this happen to me before nor has anyone in my family. To all of the sudden lose consciousness like that is frightening. I left the ER, very late that night, looking like a losing prize fighter:  black and blue, stitches, and stumbling. My eye and lip are healing and I get the stitches removed next Tuesday.  I’ve had blood tests, CAT scans, x-rays and an MRI. Next week I have an EEG scheduled.  I am also definitely feeling the effects of the concussion: life seems a little slower as I am not processing as fast as usual, my dreams are a very different variety than they used to be, and Janey is staying very close to my side as I haven’t been able to go back to work yet and she’s afraid to leave me alone for too long.

So what am I to learn through all this?  One thing is there are a lot of people who care about me, are offering to help me, and are praying for me.  I am not eloquent enough to express my gratefulness for these dear people, but I am so thankful that I have such caring friends and family. 

There’s one lesson right there, NEVER take your friends and family for granted.  Jesus taught about the great importance of relationships, and through this latest trial I’m really learning the truth of this. I guess I thought I understood it until I became totally helpless; there were times I could do nothing for myself and had to rely on others for everything (including my five-year-old).  And even now still I’m way more reliant on others, especially my dear bride, than I’ve ever been in all my adult life.

Another lesson, as trite as it may sound, is each moment of life is truly valuable. Oh sure, I like to think I think this, but on Saturday I lost many moments where I otherwise would have been conscious; these are moments I was present but don’t remember and can never get back.  In fact, Saturday was our date night; but rather than going out to a nice dinner, we were in the ER being reminded just how important we are to each other while I lay on that gurney helpless and terrified.   

I still get scared. I pray the tests show nothing. This would mean what happened was more a combination of low blood sugar coupled with a bunch of other environmental factors (breathing in noxious fumes, a lot of overhead work, pinched neck nerves, eating little). All of these things are treatable through lifestyle adjustment or relatively minor medical procedures (or hiring a yard service).  So I pray there are no tumors or anything like that.

In the meantime, though, I am thankful to be alive. I don’t think my life was ever truly in danger; still, memories died as I can’t recall much of that day yet I am blessed so many people, complete strangers I’ll never know and friends and family rallied around me so quickly that perhaps that’s the closest taste of Heaven I’ve ever had—genuine care and love showing up in the most dire time of need.

Thank you.